A Texas Chili Contest

From my good buddy at the BNSF, Shane Urwiller

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope
for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this
slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of
the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in
Texas, you know how true this is.

They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes
around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San
Antonio
city park.

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment And I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions
to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that
spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) Holy Moly what the hell is in this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!

Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face. These hicks are out of their minds.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get
me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting frog-faced from
all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or
other mild foods, not much of a chili..
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
barmaid,was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb woman
is
starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
chili
an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 --Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing,sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding
by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
my
lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to
stop
screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous,
sulphuric flames. I messed myself when I farted and I'm worried it
will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a
snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried
about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili,
which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?

Saturday and not moving much

I picked up some kind of bug in Oceanside last week. Ugh.
I did go to work on Thursday. Went home about 1000. I went in long enough yesterday to get my CPR re-certification and pick up my cholesterol meds from the base pharmacy.
Home with Mr. Nyquil, orange juice and Powerade.
Got the Sens at Flyers on NHL Network on. Ottawa is up 3-0 in the first period at about the 14 minute mark. Playoff positioning. The playoffs start on the 11th of April.
I did get to meet a lot of folks at Fort Rosecrans on Tuesday that I had only known through the blogs and the social media.
I think I am going to revamp the blog roll and make a separate one for those of us who followed Lex. Just thinking about it as the current one does work, more or less.
Not to sure about the new Blogger set up..............may take some getting used to.

Some of the Lexicans

Gathered for photo or two before the Memorial.
It was good to assemble and meet. It would have been preferred under better circumstances.
Pogue, Beth, Me, Charles and Arthur along with Marcia...........
Beth's fella is in there as well. Plus a couple whose name I sadly cannot remember.
It was a beautiful day.
Wish Pinch, Kanani and a few others could have been there.
http://xbradtc.wordpress.com/
and
http://thelexicans.wordpress.com/
have images and personal observations as well.

From a friend of mine, for our Good Captain, Lex.

My Facebook friend and Lexican Kanani Fong thought this would be appropiate. 
Unfortunately, I was unable to read it...........mainly because I was having a bit of difficulty keeping it together.
I told Kanani this and said it would be posted here. 
The email is as it was sent. 
Many Thanks to Kanani


Glen. Am very sad I can't be there today. If you want to stop in at Fullerton on your way home, let me know.
Here's the poem I picked out for today. If you want, read it aloud in your best big voice at a pub for his friends. 

The Wild Swans at Coole

By William Butler Yeats

The trees are in their autumn beauty,   

The woodland paths are dry,

Under the October twilight the water   

Mirrors a still sky;

Upon the brimming water among the stones   

Are nine-and-fifty swans.

The nineteenth autumn has come upon me   

Since I first made my count;

I saw, before I had well finished,

All suddenly mount

And scatter wheeling in great broken rings   

Upon their clamorous wings.

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,   

And now my heart is sore.

All's changed since I, hearing at twilight,   

The first time on this shore,

The bell-beat of their wings above my head,   

Trod with a lighter tread.

Unwearied still, lover by lover,

They paddle in the cold

Companionable streams or climb the air;   

Their hearts have not grown old;

Passion or conquest, wander where they will,   

Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water,   

Mysterious, beautiful;   

Among what rushes will they build,

By what lake's edge or pool

Delight men's eyes when I awake some day   

To find they have flown away?

Castle Argghhh! has a great post about it.
The big hat tip goes to Beth. Luv ya kid as if you were my own.
http://www.thedonovan.com/archives/2012/03/yesterday_capta.html

Catching Up

I just had phone conversation with an old school chum from my days it  Alberta.
Our 40th is coming up. Two of our class mates are gone.
I wasn't ready for that.

Oceanside

Did dinner at Anita's down on Coast Highway. Great Chipotle Shrimp!
Negra Modelo.........later it was Oaked Arrogant Bastard.................

Headed out

Going to hit the road to Oceanside in a bit.
I will be out of the loop until next Wednesday or Thursday.
I will be at the services for our Good Captain, Lex at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery on Tuesday.
I will carry our thoughts and prayers for all.

There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us (91 Photos)

Rule Five of the Chive Variety!







The above are simply samples. The rest are at the link. There you may see them in a larger view.
Keep Calm. Chive On!!!!
http://thechive.com/2012/03/16/there-are-sexy-chivers-among-us-91-photos-3/

Quote Of The CENTURY :

I got this from my friend Michael Bredlau.
Makes one go Hmmmmmmmmm!
And I now live in the Not So Golden State and I can't stand any of these "ladies."
I have known trollops in the past with better character than any of them.

"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're number one. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words." -- columnist Burt Prelutsky, Los Angeles Times 


Have to admit the 'Macbeth" reference is a dandy!

Navy News Service - Eye on the Fleet

Description:   Aviation Boatswain's Mate (Handling) Airman Kristian Simmons, assigned to the Air Department's V-3 Division

Navy News Service - Eye on the Fleet

Different Navy these days, isn't it..........................

Rhythms, Part III

By lex, on June 27th, 2005 

"......Not for the first time, the squadron commander wonders why it is necessary for a career FA-18 pilot to conn a ship alongside. After all, there are black shoes, surface warfare officers, who are paid to do that very thing. He is a brown shoe – more than that, he is a strike fighter pilot, paid to put warheads on foreheads, to bring the heat to the foe at five bills, to wield the hammer from above, to swagger down main street. He’s better than this.

Except that the company does not agree – no, not at all. The company thinks that he is a by-God naval officer, and naval officers ought to be able to conn ships. So that one day, if called upon, they might responsibly command them. The company feels this very strongly. So strongly that if he should fail to achieve this simple qualification, he will be un-promotable – his career will be over. He is not sure that he knows what he wants to do when his twenty is up. He might fly for the airlines. He might teach high school. He might stay in and try to make captain. He doesn’t know. What he does know is that that he wants to have a choice.

So he curses quietly but vehemently, earnestly. Turns on the light. Sits up. Rubs his face. Looks again with jaundiced eye at the alarm. Sighs, and moves towards an inner door – today, for the first time this cruise, he’ll beat the ship’s operations officer, with whom he shares a connecting bathroom, to the shower. He takes no pleasure in this fact......"

I had more than a few bottles of Guinness last night for Lex..............

http://www.neptunuslex.com/2005/06/27/rhythms/

Saturday Overtime

Going to work in a while.......
This week is my actual duty weekend. We are in a four section duty. These are old airplanes and they have other than normal systems as they are test air frames.
It is $40.37 an hour.
Later we are going to a friend's for Corn Beef, Cabbage and Green Beer. OK, I will probably not turn my Widmer Pale Ale green..........Something not right about that. Possibly get me some Guinness though. Haven't had any for a while.
Guinness.........for Strength..................for Lex.
The weather here in The High Desert is fixing to go to pot. The system is coming in over the Sierra and Tehachapi Mountains later this morning. Snow levels are forecast to drop to around 3,000 feet. We are at around 2,375. It is possible should it cool enough, for us to get some snow.
http://www.intellicast.com/Local/Weather.aspx?location=USCA0152

CARROLL LEFON:

Decorated Navy pilot and gifted military wordsmith's voice and stories will last forever as Neptunus Lex 
This one is from Steve Ranson at The Lahontan Valley News......


"...........As a naval aviator, Carroll LeFon reached for thousands of stars that brilliantly danced over the earth's curvature.

Later in his distinguished career as technology flexed its appeal and reach on the Internet, the retired Navy captain became a celebrity with his military bloggings written under the name of Neptunus Lex, a fitting nom de plume for a man who dedicated more than half his life to serving his country.

Those who knew the 51-year-old LeFon called him a well-liked, intelligent and dedicated man devoted to the service of his country and to his family. Hundreds of military bloggers and comrades who served with LeFon remember the late aviator as a man with sage advice............................."
The rest is at the link.
http://www.lahontanvalleynews.com/article/20120315/NEWS/120319964/1055&ParentProfile=1045 

CARROLL LEFON: Navy aviator impacted others

In the Lahontan Valley News.
This was from yesterday.
By Chaplain Dave Harvey
1-126th Aviation Task Force
".......You'll probably find that most of his readership never had the opportunity to meet the man in real life; such are the vagaries of hosting an online blog. I never served with him on active duty, nor did I know him from the Naval Academy days or in any professional capacity, yet I did get to know him a bit. And what I knew affected me greatly, as is true for the many hundreds who have posted their own grief-stricken comments over at his website...............................Link is below.
http://www.lahontanvalleynews.com/article/20120315/NEWS/120319962/1055&ParentProfile=1045

Rhythms, Part II By lex, on June 24th, 2005

http://www.neptunuslex.com/2005/06/24/rhythms-part-ii/

Rhythms, part 1 by Lex

June 24th, 2005
The Begining – Assuming the watch
A day in the life aboard an aircraft carrier at sea.
http://www.neptunuslex.com/2005/06/24/rhythms-part-i/

Rhythms

This was done by our good friend, Lex.
Figured it needs to get out there.
That is all.
http://www.neptunuslex.com/rhythms-the-compendium/

Last Lap for Enterprise CVAN/CVN-65

This is at the USNI site. Think I should have it on the lower left...............It had really good stuff about Lex on it as well.
The Big"E" is going on her last ride. I was seven when she entered the Fleet in the Autumn of 1961. I am older than her CO and XO.

The Bainbridge and Long Beach have been long gone now and Enterprise is finally going to be consigned to the dustbin of history.
I worked for an Air Bos'n on Independence in 74-75 who was in V-2 Division on Enterprise on this cruise.
I need to quit dating myself, ya know.
http://blog.usni.org/2012/03/10/last-lap-for-enterprise-cvancvn-65/

ADOPT A TERRORIST

Got this from Sean..............it is a good one!
A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter correspondence.


She received back the following reply:
The rest is at the link. I do think you will find it amusing and terrifying both.
Adopt a Terrorist

Neptunus Lex: 1960-2012

Lex is gone.
http://www.susankatzkeating.com/2012/03/neptunus-lex-1960-2012.html?m=1

In his element.
Farewell, Captain.
Fair Winds and Following Seas to you.

Some more gratuitous Plane Pr0n:

Good old Triple Six.
Various shots over Edwards and the Mojave Desert.

26 Butts So Perfect You’d Think They Were Photoshopped

Rule Five Stuff.
Really nice looking Butts here, fellas.
Like this one?


Or this one?


Maybe this one?


Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!
Link: http://regretfulmorning.com/2011/10/butts/
Enjoy

Marine One

Linking to Legal Insurrection Dot Com
Good stuff here folks.
Hit the link and see for yourself.
http://legalinsurrection.com/2012/03/marine-one/

DEVASTATING: Andrew Breitbart, R.I.P.

http://michellemalkin.com/2012/03/01/devastating-andrew-breitbart-r-i-p/

That link is to Michelle Malkin. She has an excellent post up on Andrew Breitbart.
I read his blogs. He was that individual that the left hated to a level I sometimes had trouble accepting. Andrew took it in stride. He was that cool when attacked with such vitriol. I admired him. He is going to missed.....a lot. Straight Shooter if there ever was one.
April at The Hyacinth Girl has a short but amazing post about his passing. Here it is:

http://thehyacinthgirl.com/2012/03/01/stunned-does-not-even-begin-to-cover-it/

I am just a little guy in this thing that is such an integral part of our lives..........joining us to friends and professional acquaintances. Then this happens.